From the 'Daily Ohm' - www.dailyom.com

July 15, 2008
A Bad Habit
Being Hard On Ourselves

One of the key components of human consciousness that most of us need to address and change is our tendency to be hard on ourselves.

We do this in ways that are both overt and subtle, and half the work sometimes is recognizing that we are doing it at all. For example, if

we find it difficult to graciously accept compliments, this is probably a sign that we tend to be hard on ourselves. Other ways in which we

express this tendency include never feeling satisfied with a job well done, always wanting to be and do better, and getting mad at ourselves

for getting sick. Getting mad at ourselves at all indicates that we need to rescue ourselves from our learned ability to be unkind to ourselves.

In essence, when we are hard on ourselves, we send our bodies the message that we are not good enough. Whenever we do this, we do

damage that will need to be addressed later, and we sap our systems of much-needed energy. Being hard on ourselves is a waste of precious

time and energy that we could use in positive ways. To begin to understand how this works, we can think about times when someone made

us feel that we weren’t good enough. Even just thinking about it will create an effect in our bodies that doesn’t feel good. We may be used

to the feeling, but when we really tune into it, we instinctively know that it is not good for us on any level.

Like any bad habit, being hard on ourselves can be a challenging one to release, but the more we feel the burden it places on us, the more

motivated we will be to change. At first, just noticing when we are doing it and how it makes us feel is enough. As our awareness increases,

our innate impulse toward health and well-being will be activated, moving us out of danger and into a more positive and more natural

relationship with ourselves.

July 10, 2008
Unconscious Communication
Chronic Lateness

Being late for an appointment or a date can seem like a small thing that really doesn’t matter, but it communicates volumes, whether we

mean it to or not. Being kept waiting is an experience that almost no one enjoys, because at best, it wastes their time, and at worst, it

indicates a lack of regard. It’s as if we’re saying that our time is more important than their time, so we don’t need to honor them by

showing up when we said we would. When we are running late, it means a lot if we call and let the person know, especially if it’s going

to be more than ten minutes. However, if we are chronically late, it may take more than a phone call to properly address the issue.

If it’s become a habit of ours not to be on time, we may want to look inside ourselves and see what’s going on. It’s easy enough to make

excuses about our behavior, or to project responsibility on the other person, perceiving them to be uptight if they are irritated by our

tardiness. What’s more difficult, and more meaningful, is looking at ourselves and asking why it is that we always, or often, show up late.

Sometimes this happens out of a lack of self-regard, as if we aren’t really important anyway, so why will anyone care if we’re late, or

don’t show up at all. Chronic lateness can also stem from being disorganized, or simply trying to do too much in one day. Another

possible reason for being late to a particular appointment, or date, is that we don’t really want to be there. We communicate our disinterest

or boredom by not showing up on time.

Whatever our reasons, if we raise them to the conscious level, we have an opportunity to live a more conscious life. As we begin to

understand the deeper reasons behind our inability to show up on time, we have the option to communicate clearly and consciously about

how we really feel, rather than communicating unconsciously by being late.

May 19, 2008
Free To Live

You may find that you are easily angered and irritated today. Because you may be in an overly sensitive mood or unusually aware of

others’ thoughts and actions, you may react emotionally if you feel you’ve been slighted. A harsh word or insensitive deed may have the

power to gravely upset you. Consider, however, that the behavior you encounter may have nothing to do with you. Should you find

yourself feeling slighted by a loved one or colleague, ask yourself whether they truly intended to offend or hurt you. You may discover

that you are less likely to react when you remain aware of your feelings and mood. Stay tuned in to where you are emotionally today,

and you’ll be less inclined to overreact when faced with others’ negativity.

When you don’t take what others say and do personally, you can maintain an optimistic and upbeat mood regardless of how people

around you choose to behave. The individuals in our lives often have multilayered motivations for doing what they do—a thoughtless

word or deed is therefore not always as simple as it might appear. Choosing not to react emotionally to others can help you determine

the true reasons for why people act as they do. Your detachment allows you to understand that the negativity directed at you may

actually have little to do with you. By choosing to take control of your reactions today, you will, as a result, regain stewardship of your

mood, and the quality of your day will not be affected by the behavior of others.

May 2, 2008
If Only
Locating The Underlying Cause

Often, when we’re unhappy, we fall into the habit of thinking that, if only one or two particular things in our life would change, everything

would be fine. We might focus on the fact that we need a new car, or a raise, or a change in our living situation. We dwell on this one thing

and strategize, or complain, or daydream about what it would be like to have it. Meanwhile, underneath the surface, the real reason for our

unhappiness sits unrecognized and unaddressed. And yet, if we are able to locate and explore the underlying cause of our discontent, all the

surface concerns have a way of working themselves out in the light of our realization.

Maybe we really do just need a new car, and maybe moving to another city would improve our life situation. However, it can only help to

take some time to explore what’s going on at a deeper level. Sometimes, when we take a moment and stop focusing on external concerns,

we get to the heart of the matter. We might realize that all our lives we’ve been dissatisfied, grasping at one thing after another, only to be

dissatisfied about something else once we get what we want. Or perhaps we’ll notice a pattern of running away from a place, or a relationship,

when things get too hard. We might then wonder why this keeps happening, and how we might work through the difficulty rather than just

escaping it. The point is, slowing down and turning our attention within can save us a lot of energy in the long run, because it is very often

the case that there is no external change that will make us happy.

Once you’ve taken the time to inquire within, you can begin to make changes that address the deeper issue. This can be hard at first,

especially if you’ve grown used to grasping for outside sources in order to quell your discontent, but in the end, you will be solving the

problem at a deeper level, and it will be much less likely to recur.

Attitude of Detachment

You may feel excitable and emotional about unexpected news today. Perhaps you become aware of a looming challenge that upsets your plans,

or you may simply feel overwhelmed by something that will ultimately be good for you. Whether you perceive these events to be good or bad may

depend solely on your reaction to them, and you can benefit by choosing to adopt an attitude of detachment from your emotions today.

Rather than allowing yourself to be taken on a roller coaster ride of ups and downs based on your experiences, you can simply embrace an

attitude of joy and acceptance for whatever may come your way. You may find it helpful to recite a calming affirmation throughout the day,

such as: “I am centered and peaceful in all circumstances.”

By choosing a neutral emotional state, we can better handle unexpected events. Though emotional reaction to powerful experiences is

commonplace for most of us, we can also learn to take control of our emotional responses and create a stronger sense of inner balance.

By choosing to detach from volatile emotions and instead embrace a consistent feeling of calm in every experience, we are still able to enjoy

pleasant experiences and work through difficult ones. With a detached focus, we no longer feel controlled by our emotions and we discover

we have the power to choose how we feel in any circumstance. All of your experiences can seem more valuable today if you detach from

your emotional responses and adopt a focus on peace and joy in every moment.

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Tearing Down To Rebuild
Rethinking Complaining

We all know someone who has elevated the process of complaining to a high art. Sometimes funny, sometimes exhausting, these people

have the ability to find a problem just about anywhere. In its more evolved form, complaining is simply the ability to see what’s not working,

in one’s own life or in the external world, and it can be quite useful if followed to its natural conclusion—finding a solution and applying it.

However, many of us don’t get that far, and we find that complaining has become an end in itself. In small doses, this is not a big problem,

but if complaining has become a huge part of our identities, it may be time to take a good look at how we are spending our energy.

Complaining is a person’s way of acknowledging that they are not happy with the way things are. In a metaphorical way, when we complain

or criticize, we are tearing down an undesirable structure in order to make room for something new. But if all we do is tear down, never

bothering to summon the creative energy required to create something new, we are not fulfilling the process. In fact, we are at risk for becoming

a stagnant and destructive force in our own lives and in the lives of the people we love. Another issue with complaining is that we sometimes

tend to focus on other people, whom we can’t change, as a way of deflecting attention from the one person we can change—ourselves.

So transforming complaining into something useful is a twofold process that begins with turning our critical eye to look at things we can actually

do something about, and then taking positive action.

When we find ourselves complaining, the last thing we need to do is get down on ourselves. Instead, we can begin by noticing that we are

in the mode of wanting to make some changes. But rather than lashing out at somebody or an organization, we can look for an appropriate

place to channel this energy—not our neighbor’s house, but possibly parts of our own. Finally, we can ask ourselves the positive question of

what we would like to create in the place of whatever it is we want to tear down. When we do this, we channel a negative habit into a creative

process, thus using our energy to change the world around us in a positive way.

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Here are some more great ones that very recently made a lot of sense to me every single day, considering what personal challenges I was dealing with..

April 10, 2008
Finding The Gift
Bad Days

April 1, 2008
Relating To The Negative
The Danger Of Repression

February 22, 2008
Part Of The Process
Feeling Stuck

February 11, 2008
Life As It Is
Making Life Work For You

February 14, 2008
Being Clear About Desires
Getting What We Want

February 8, 2008
Promise Of Prosperity
Chinese Year Of The Rat

February 4, 2008
Stepping Back From Anger
Argument

January 31, 2008
Not Alone In The Dark
Looking At What We Don’t Want To See

January 30, 2008
Create Time For Self-Compassion
Being Gentle With Ourselves

January 28, 2008
Growing Pains
Difficult Times